True masculinity is shockingly distorted by our culture. Strength is seen as the power to dominate others. In our culture "real men" are portrayed as hitting hard and tough, insensitive, not showing emotion, surrounding themselves with other strong and powerful people, and trampling upon the weak. This is a far cry from what real manhood is.
"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all you do be done in love." (1 Corinthians 16:13)
Acting like men means showing love. The greatest picture of Biblical masculinity is Jesus Christ. He was tender and loving, meek and controlled, and yet furiously strong. What kind of strength enables a man to take a beating by a whip within an inch of death and then be crucified on a cross? All of this, and He could have blinked and had a legion of terrifying angels at His side and slaughtered all who opposed Him.
But He did not.
Why?
To redeem all that would call on His name. A sacrifice had to be made. The ransom had to be paid. And sin and death were about to be forever destroyed! That is a man. Doing what is right even when it hurts. Sacrificial love is the epitome of what it is to be a man.
Why else would Paul command husbands to,
"...love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27)
It really is true that "greater love has no man than this: to lay his life down for his friends" (John 15:13). C.S. Lewis described this sacrifice allegorically in a beautiful way when Aslan sacrifices himself on the Stone Table to the White Witch to save Edmund's life.
This is strength. The power to sacrifice.
Husbands are called to sacrificial love. Men are called to lay themselves down in strength to help the weak and vulnerable.
Men of God, who is weak in your life? Who is being bullied? Who is being trampled? Will be you be a man and stand with them? Will you stand for them?
In Exodus 22, God commanded that Israel should “not mistreat or oppress a foreigner, for you were foreigners in Egypt. Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry" (Exodus 22:20-26). The measure of a society is how it treats the most weak and vulnerable. Likewise, the measure of a man is how he treats those who are weaker than himself. Are the weak and vulnerable afraid of your shadow? This is not being a man.
A man defends the weak. Helps the hurting. Fights for the vulnerable. This is strength.
"Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed." (Psalm 82:3)
Where are the men who will stand up and fight? Who will sacrifice their reputation or social status to stop bullying? Who will show honor to women? Who will stop the locker-room talk? Will you?
God is looking for warriors who are ready to fight. Men who will speak the truth in love and lay down their lives to defend the weak and vulnerable. As everyone's favorite superhero says,
A warrior does not let an enemy sleep in his tent. A warrior does not go into battle without his armor. The enemy of our souls is waging war on us as men, seeking to kill, steal, and destroy us. One of the primary battlefields of our time is the area of lust and pornography. The digital frontier has brought this spiritual warfare into our homes and lives in an insidious way incomparable to any past generation. How are we fighting this battle when...
71% of teens have done something to hide what they do online from their parents
(this includes clearing browser history, minimizing a browser when in view, deleting
inappropriate videos, lying about behavior, using a phone instead of a computer, blocking parents with social media privacy settings, using private browsing,
disabling parental controls, or having e-mail or social media accounts unknown to
parents).
32% of teens admit to intentionally accessing nude or pornographic content online.
Of these, 43% do so on a weekly basis. Only 12% of parents knew their teens were
accessing pornography.
35% of boys (Ages 13-14) said they had viewed pornographic videos “too many times to count.”
93% of boys and 62% of girls were exposed to pornography before age 18.
64% of parents do not use online parental controls or filtering software.
30% of 17-year-olds have received a sext.
38% of 13-18-year-olds said they had created a sext.
See the full 37-page report put out by Covenant Eyes here.
We are kidding ourselves if we think that pornography and digital explicit media is not infiltrating the lives of our teens, even our Christian teens. This indeed is every young man's battle and many of our young women struggle with this as well. With the advent of mobile smartphones and tablets the problem has become all the more epidemic. One report from 2006 (ten years ago!) found that 1 in 5 searches on Google from mobile devices were for pornography (Read the full report here).
To be a man who is a follower of Jesus means arming oneself against and armoring oneself for the coming attacks in this battle.
Are you ready to fight?
Paul wrote, almost prophetically to our present day, regarding God's will in this area of personal holiness in his letter to the church in Thessalonica,
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7)
Every man needs to know how to control his own body, his own mind, and his own eyes. Have you developed a personal battle plan against lust, impurity, and pornography? Where are the places, who are the people that cause you to stumble? Are there contacts you need to delete? Devices you need to destroy or get rid of? Jesus teaches the principle of Radical Amputation in fighting with lust (Matthew 5:29-30). "If you eye causes you to stumble, cut it out!" Don't halfheartedly go to war with this struggle, it will kill you, destroy your perspective of women, give false expectations of a future wife, and consume your life. What do you need to get rid of to win this fight for your heart and mind?
Stop offending God with this secret sin and bring it into the open. Have you confessed this sin or struggle to a brother (James 5:16)? You cannot fight this fight alone! God has called you to holiness. But what He has called you to do, He will enable you to do (1 Thessalonians 5:24)! Don't lose heart, bring this sin into the light and let God deal with it. You are not alone, no temptation has overtaken you that is new or not common to man (1 Corinthians 10:13). If you are struggling with lust, impurity and pornography find someone who loves you, who you can trust, and tell them. Develop a plan to cut off and limit access. Invite regular and consistent accountability. Most importantly, cultivate a stronger desire for God. Behavior modification will only take you so far, you have to replace your desire for sin with a stronger desire for God. As C.S. Lewis writes,
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” (C.S. Lewis in Weight of Glory)
You were made to find ultimate meaning and satisfaction in God (Psalm 16:11). Have you run to the one for whom you were made? Have you confessed your sin to the Father, received the forgiveness that comes through the Son, Jesus, and then committed to dependence on the Spirit to fill you with His fruit of self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)?
Begin the journey of a fighter today.
Join the war, be a warrior.
Young man, this is your calling, these are your orders.
FIGHT!
Steps to Freedom
Confession (personal and in community with others)
Fostering a greater desire for God through spiritual disciplines
Radical Amputation & Appropriate Boundaries Helpful Resources At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry bySteve Gallagher
Every Young Man's Battle by Fred Stoeker and Steve Arterburn
Sex is Not the Problem, Lustis by Joshua Harris
The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges
Parents, cutting off access to explicit content for your teens is hugely important. We have created a resource for you help you explore different Filtering Software options. You can access this HERE.
The impact of social media cannot be understated in these modern times. With over two billion people on this planet connected via various social networks the global societal transformation of the last decade is nothing short of remarkable! With these new frontiers of communication and relationship come many challenges, especially for the discerning Christian.
With the arrival of so many new modes of communication we are now bombarded for a plethora of messages every day. What is true? What is reality? Sadly the Information Age, ironically, has in many ways clouded the truth. Scripture commands us to cast our thoughts on certain things,
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:8
Is social media helping us to this end or hurting us? What thoughts have you allowed social media to bombard you with this week? Many of these thoughts are outright lies. Here are five of these lies:
1. Life is Good
It is a rare occurrence to see a picture into the real difficulties of life on social media. It is mostly proms, date nights, vacations, filtered selfies, and perfect sunsets. How much of our mundane (read: normal) lives do these snapshots represent? Very little. A married couple will put up happy pictures as they celebrate an anniversary, but when you have seen a public divorce announcement? Baby pictures. Enough said. Miscarriage posts? Few and far between.
Social media has become a dishonest picture of most of our lives. Instead of representing a “true” picture of reality it distorts reality into alternative universe in which pain or failure are close to non-existent or are only shared if they include a victory or redemption aspect and beauty and happiness are our perpetual existence. Life is not always “good.”
2. Likes Make Right
Social media rewards anything that goes ‘viral.” Web-traffic and popularity online does not equate to a person doing the right thing. We need to ask ourselves if what we are posting is edifying, does it impart grace to those who read it or see it (Ephesians 4:29). The amount of likes does not make it right. Maybe it was gossip? Maybe it was inappropriate? Don’t let the desire to increase your “reach” or “followers” destroy the integrity of what you put on social media.
3. They look Perfect
Filters and Photoshop. What you see online is not reality. Just like what was already said about how life almost always appears to be good so do you rarely see a bad hair day on Snapchat or Instagram. I once watched a woman after walking off a plane at an airport stand in a terminal for over ten minutes in the same place trying to get the “perfect” selfie. None of her followers know it took ten minutes to get that “quick and candid selfie.” This behavior distorts our perspective of beauty and also can slowly destroy your perception of self.
4. It is not an Argument, It is a Discussion
Sure, on the surface many comments and forum discussions take the form of a discussion that would resemble a verbal conversation. But picture that verbal conversation being broadcast for thousands or millions to see. You cannot say that that does not change the tone, intensity, or civility of the discussion or conversation. All of the sudden, you are performing for an audience. If you want to have a serious dialogue take it into private messages, a person will rarely admit they are wrong in front of an audience of all their friends. It also is a great way to avoid coming across as insensitive or proud.
5. It is just a picture/message
Something about the medium of communication via text message or various social media apps lessons the seriousness of communication. Wouldn't it be weird to write handwritten letters, dozens of them, to someone of the opposite sex if you were married? But somehow regular texting is appropriate. The medium has changed but why has the appropriateness followed. I cannot count how many affairs and immoralities I have heard about that began through social networks or messaging. For this reason we need to be on guard and realize that all communication digital and not has power and is affecting our relationships with people. Is it moving us closer to Jesus?
Are we discerning what thoughts and ideas are assailing us through social media as followers of Jesus? Have we spent enough time in the Word renewing our mind (Hebrews 4:12; Romans 12:1-2; 2 Corinthians 10:3-6) that we can see the lies that are put before us? Social media can and should be a tool for improving communication, capturing moments for others to see, and spreading the gospel of Jesus.
At the very nature of the person of God is the quality of truth (James 1:17; John 14:6; Numbers 23:19). Perfect truth. To follow Jesus is to know the truth and to be set free (John 8:32). In opposition to this truth at work in our hearts through Jesus is both our flesh and Satan who seek to fill our hearts and minds with lies (John 8:44).
From the very beginning the serpent sought to draw humanity into sin through the use of lies.
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”
And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’”
But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. (Genesis 3:1-6)
It started with a question: "Did God actually say...?" Temptation begins with ideas and propositions that put God's Word and His truth in question. Where in your life are you being tempted to doubt God's voice? Questions and doubts can be instruments that lead us to truth but they can also be a slippery slope into sin. We ought not rest in the slough of doubt for too long.
From questioning the serpent then moves to deceit: "You will surely not die...when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God." God said they would die, the serpent said they would not. God said sin would separate, the serpent said they would be like God. Every sin is based upon a lie.
Every sin starts with a question, finds life in a lie, and then destroys you when acted upon.
Racism is birthed from a lie about the superiority of races. Suicide begins with a lie that you are better off dead than alive, that God made a mistake making you. Abortion is justified based upon the lie that the unborn fetus is not a human person. Addiction starts with a lie that something will fulfill and satisfy you, if you only have a little more, and more, and more...
Do you know what this means?
That the battle for holiness, the conquering of sin, starts on the inside. It starts with addressing lies in our hearts and minds.
This makes perfect sense when we look at the many Scriptures that address the heart and mind.
“You shall love the Lord your God with
all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37)
For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within. (Mark 7:21-22)
For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. (2 Corinthians 4:6)
These are just to name a few. The strongholds that we are to wage war with as followers of Jesus are not physical, they are spiritual. We are in a battle of ideas, a battle for truth. Inception is a remarkable movie. In it, the protagonist named Cobb, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, seeks to place ideas in minds of certain people through "shared dreaming." This process is called "inception." Cobb says that the most resilient parasite is an idea,
"An idea. Resilient... highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed - fully understood - that sticks; right in there somewhere."
Cobb says further, "An idea is like a virus...and even the smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you."
Ideas are powerful, and the difference between an idea that is true and an idea that is false can be the difference between the Holocaust and the Fall of the Berlin Wall.
We think that our thoughts don't matter.
But they do.
We are commanded to meditate or think upon things that are true, noble, just, and pure (Philippians 4:8). We are to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:1-2). Jesus commanded that we clean the inside of our cup first, speaking of our hearts (Matthew 23:26). And His prayer for His followers was that they would be sanctified (made holy) in and by God's truth (John 17:17).
Lies kill. Truth gives life.
What lies are you believing? Lies, even the smallest untruths can destroy your life a little bit at a time.
Hirō Onoda, a Japanese soldier
who continued fighting for 29
years after the war was over.
Hirō Onoda was a Japanese soldier during World War II. He continued fighting on an island in the Philippines through guerrilla warfare for a full 29 years after the Japanese had surrendered!
He would not believe the pamphlets dropped from airplanes, the Japaneses newspapers left for him to find, or the Japanese dignitaries who marched through the jungle announcing on loudspeakers that the war was over. In his mind it was all a ruse. A tactic by the enemy seeking to persuade him to surrender.
He did not believe it until the Japanese government sent his previous commander who had been working in a bookstore for decades after the war and had him go into the jungle to tell him personally that the war was over.
What a waste of his life! Hirō, I am sure, spent every day of his life regretting the years he wasted because of a lie. He believed that Japan was still at war with the Allies. What lies are causing you to waste your life?
Do we play hours of video games a day or binge-watch Netflix thinking that it is worth the majority of our free time? Do we believe that some sin is not a big deal, that God was just kidding when he said that sin leads to death (James 1:15)? Do you believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139) or do you think that you are worthless? Do you think that you are good enough to please God? Or have you embraced the truth that every day you fall short of the glory of God and our in desperate need of Jesus (Romans 3:23; Romans 6:23).
Lies kill.
Fight them. Destroy the thoughts, ideas, and lies that set themselves up against the Word of God. Cling to the Way, the TRUTH, and the Life (John 14:6).
“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples,and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)
In Exodus 22, God commanded that Israel should “not mistreat or oppress a foreigner, for you were foreigners in Egypt. Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry" (Exodus 22:20-26). The measure of a society is how it treats the most weak and vulnerable. Likewise, the measure of a man is how he treats those who are weaker than himself. Are the weak and vulnerable afraid of your shadow? This is not being a man.
